Tajmall

MY HOME, THEIR HOME: WELCOME -- KNOW MORE

Excellent news, Mr. Verity Bullsfull at the Enterprise Allowance Dept has approved our scheme! Within days, the running of our Smiths City Tour may commence!

We have already bought good notices in a series of reputable New World periodicals and gazettes, as our beloved American cousins represent the most important sector of our favoured clientel. Naturally, our fluency in their language is all the better for them, should they undertake our exciting expedition in which they can experience the sights and sounds that are so indelibly inked into the hearts and minds of all those who love the Smiths.

The itinary will include the paddocks where Morrissey and Marr once rode from, up onto to hills above the grim workhouses and puthering smoke of clustered town below -- where they shared dreams of a seemingly impossible future in which they would ride their very own penny farthings to brighter vistas far beyond the humdrum shrubberies that enclosed them and on! To more clement climes: the teashops of Toxteth or the Skipton Exhibit; to daring escapades in places of wonder and adventure: a sea-crossing on the Gosport Steam Ferry or the fabelled luxuries of electric tram of Clacton-on-Sea; and to slumber after the cornucopia of delights, efficatious preparations and faerie remedies plyed at the Warm Baths of Woolhall.

We have also managed to obtain access to the crumbling depot and shankly yard from where Joyce and Rourke were dispatched on their gruelling, nine-day week, chimney-sweep rounds. Pagnel's of Newport have kindly provided the appropriate certificates to verify that the hobnail boots on display are indeed those worn onstage at that fateful first turn on the bill of the Strangeways Burlesque Revue at Balthazar's Zeotrope Theatre.

Now, once and for all, we can wrestle the Smiths legacy from those Mancunian charlatans who continually claim them for their own. Now, at last, the youth of American can join us and help bring the Smiths back home where they belong.

Sincerely,

Witley Noluck.

Bolloughs, Yorks.